Sometimes I feel like I have everything under control, then BAM! I fall apart; I am smacked in the face with depression. Is it depression? Is it grief? I don’t know. I joke around a lot; people think that I am ok. I am not always ok. I miss my mom. I miss my dad. Some days I miss one more than the other. Sometimes I dream about one, not the other.
The other night I had a dream about my dad. In that dream I had to tell him that my mom was gone. Like he didn’t know. Most of my dreams about them I know they are gone, occasionally, I have a dream where I think they are still with me, then when I wake up it’s like they died all over again. The pain of losing both parents is strong.
My mind is all over the place. I don’t always tell my family that I am feeling this way. My husband knows though. He really knows me. He asks me if I am ok, I tell him I am, but most of the time I am not. I am sad. Going into the holidays is when it hurts the most. I love the holidays; I love being with family and friends. It’s different now though. I am sure my parents felt this way when they lost their parents.
Will this be how my kids feel when I am gone? Am I rambling right now? Probably.
The-Sassy-Mama 