Author: amyd2414

Depression and Grief

amyd2414

Sometimes I feel like I have everything under control, then BAM! I fall apart; I am smacked in the face with depression. Is it depression? Is it grief? I don’t know. I joke around a lot; people think that I am ok. I am not always ok. I miss my mom. I miss my dad. Some days I miss one more than the other. Sometimes I dream about one, not the other.

The other night I had a dream about my dad. In that dream I had to tell him that my mom was gone. Like he didn’t know. Most of my dreams about them I know they are gone, occasionally, I have a dream where I think they are still with me, then when I wake up it’s like they died all over again. The pain of losing both parents is strong.

My mind is all over the place. I don’t always tell my family that I am feeling this way. My husband knows though. He really knows me. He asks me if I am ok, I tell him I am, but most of the time I am not. I am sad. Going into the holidays is when it hurts the most. I love the holidays; I love being with family and friends. It’s different now though. I am sure my parents felt this way when they lost their parents.

Will this be how my kids feel when I am gone? Am I rambling right now? Probably.

Time Gets Away

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Time sure does have a way of getting away from you. One minute you’re planning on blogging weekly, the next thing you know three years have passed. Man, has a lot happened in those three years.

In my New Year’s Resolution post, I had hoped to spend more time with my family doing things and making memories.  Well, that did happen. The summer of 2023 my husband, daughter and her best friend went on a road trip. We did about 2600 miles in six days. It was awesome. We drove on the Extraterrestrial Hwy and Route 66, stopped at the Little A’Le’Inn and drove past Area 51. We did a small hike in Zion and saw the Grande Canyon. We packed a lot in those six days.

In May of 2024, we did get to go to Hawaii to see my niece graduate from college. My husband, daughter and her best friend spent a wonderful seven days on the Big Island in Kona. Hanging out with my sister and nieces. It was amazing. Next time my son will go with us.

December 2024, my husband, son, daughter and son’s girlfriend spent New Year’s Eve and Day in Disneyland. It was like being a little kid again. We hadn’t been to Disneyland since the kids were very small. My son’s girlfriend had never been, so it was exciting showing her everything Disney. We had churros, Dole Whips, and other yummy Disney foods.

February of 2025, I turned 50, 50! How is that even possible?? I mean I know that it is possible, but how did this happen so quickly? Here is to the next 50!

March of 2025, my daughter and I went with 19 other 7th and 8th graders plus chaperons to Washington DC and New York. It was an amazing trip. We went to Colonial Williamsburg, Mount Vernon, the Capitol Building, and the White House. We went to the Smithsonian Natural and American History. We went the Veit Nam, World War 2, and Korean War Memorials. We went to the Lincoln Monument, US Marine Corps War Memorial and the FDR Memorial. We went to the top of the Empire State Building and saw the Statue of Liberty (unfortunately from a distance). The most memorable thing we saw was the 911 Memorial. I think that had the most effect on me. I remember going inside and as soon as our guide started talking to our students, I started crying. One of the 7th graders asked me if I was ok. I said I was, I was just remembering what happened that day 24 years ago. It was just like it was yesterday.

Over these last three years, I have seen and done a lot of things. Over these last three years I was able to go to 9 different states and our country’s capital. I made memories and had the time of my life. Now I just need to get my passport so I can see other parts of our world.

Let’s live life to the fullest and keep making those memories!

New Year’s Resolution

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I’m back! I took a little bit of a hiatus due to a lot of things happening in my life, but I’m back now and making my New Year’s resolutions. I am not always a fan of New Year’s resolutions because honestly, they don’t always happen. So here I am making one or two. LOL!

This year I am planning on working on my blog every Sunday, hopefully publishing it as well. I have depression, I am seeing a therapist, but by blogging, my goal is to keep myself from continuing to fall into this hole I have been in. I am hoping to heal myself and maybe some of you as well. Some of my blogs may be serious and sad, some may be funny. That’s my personality. I am all over the place.

Another resolution I have is to do more with the family, whether it is camping or taking a drive up to Oregon to visit our eldest son and grandkids. Or going to Hawaii to visit my niece, who goes to school there.  Or going to more concerts and festivals. We went to BottleRock last May and saw Elton John in October, which was awesome. Whatever we do, I want to make more memories with my family.

These are the New Year’s resolutions that I feel may be attainable. The goal of both resolutions is to heal myself and find joy again. If you are making any resolutions, try not to make them unattainable. Make smaller ones, ones that you will feel good about doing, ones you won’t beat yourself up about if they are not completed.

Happy New Year! I love you all. Take the time to care of yourselves both emotionally and physically. Make good choices. Most of all, HAVE FUN!!

A Letter to an Unsympathetic School Board

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In October of 2020 our school community was informed that the West Sonoma County Union High School District board was going to vote on consolidating our two high schools. There had been no communication prior to that. We were blindsided by this information and have been doing everything in our power to stop this ever since. Hundreds of families in our community sent letters to the board asking them to please stop and consider not consolidating the schools and to think of other options to save our school. Here is a copy of the letter that I sent to the board:

Dear WSCUHSD Board of Trustees and Superintendent Beal,

I am writing in regards of the possible consolidation of the El Molino and Analy high school campuses. My son and niece are both juniors at El Molino and we are devastated that this is happening. As residents of Santa Rosa, we have chosen to drive out to Forestville and have our children attend El Molino. 15 years ago both my son and niece went to a daycare where the family had all gone to both Forestville School and El Molino High School. The family always talked about how nice it was to go to these small schools, where everyone was like family there. So when the kids were 4 years old we put them in the preschool on the Forestville campus. The kids loved the school, so from preschool to 8th grade they went to Forestville. When it was time for high school, it was a no brainer that the kids would go to El Molino. Now that they are almost done, they are being told that their last and final year of high school will be at some other school, not their beloved El Molino. This is not acceptable. 

Deciding to consolidate now and so quickly after everything these kids have been through is a huge mistake. There has been enough stress for these kids as is and to ask them to move to a different school because you think Analy is the right choice is ridiculous. These kids need to be given a break. 

My family asks that you look at all of the options that have been shared with you to keep both schools open for the time being. Let’s find another solution to make this work. The El Molino community and the children will be negatively impacted if this consolidation happens. 

Please do not vote to consolidate. 

Amy DeWitt 

Brett DeWitt  

El Molino Parents

Wednesday March 10, 2021 the board met to vote on whether the consolidation was going to happen or not. For five hours we listened to all the information the board had to share with the community on the different options they could vote on. We listened to families and community members plead their cases as to why the board should not vote to consolidate. After five long hours it was put to a vote. The board had voted 3 to 2 in favor to consolidate. We were crushed. How could they decide to consolidate after other options were given to the board for consideration? How could they decide this after the student representation from both schools had voted that they did not want to consolidate their schools? They said they are doing this for the children, but the children had spoken and said that they did not want this. The board is not doing this for our children; they are doing this for the money. It’s always about the money. One thing is clear though; we will not stop fighting to save our school! We will never stop! Go Lions!!

Do you have the book “The Source?”

amyd2414

I have worked many different jobs in my lifetime. One of my favorites was when I was a manager at a large bookstore. I worked there for almost 10 years and have seen a lot. There are many stories from my time there, which I’m sure I will share with you sometime. But for now I will share one of my most memorable moments. A few years back while working up at the front customer service desk I had a young man and his friend come up to me looking for a book called “The Source.” So I log into my computer and start to search up “The Source.” There were literally hundreds of titles with the name “The Source.” I asked him if he knew who the author was, No. I kept trying to get information from him about this book, “The Source.” Finally after about 10-15 minutes he tells me that he wants to become a rapper and he’s looking for a book that has different words with the same meaning so he didn’t have to use the same word over and over. He said his friend told him that there was a book called “The Source” that would help him. All of a sudden it dawned on me what he was looking for. Can any of you guess what the book he was looking for was call? I looked at him seriously and said, “Do you mean a Thesaurus?” At that moment the friend that was with him started cracking up, I mean he was laughing so hard that he was almost on the ground. This poor guy was so embarrassed, I felt really bad for him. I just told him to follow me and I took him upstairs to where we kept all of our reference books. When we got there I handed him a Webster’s Thesaurus and told him that I hope everything works out for him. I have always wondered what ever happened to that guy, did he ever make it as a rapper? 

Definition of a Hymen

amyd2414

When you first start dating someone, it’s all about the two of you. Going on dates, just hanging out, getting to know each other. Well if one of you has children eventually you will be doing things with the kids as well. Now imagine being 23 years old, you’re out to dinner with your boyfriend and his two kids, ages 13 and 7. You’re at Taco Bell and sitting inside because that is what the kids want to do. Everyone has their food and is enjoying the time out. Now imagine you’re sitting there and the 13-year-old daughter looks you dead in the eye and asks, “What’s a hymen?” At that moment you stop taking a bit of your bean burrito while trying not to choke. You turn to your now husband with a look that says “What do I do?” and he just looks back at you and says “Well?” What the hell, isn’t he going to help me? Isn’t he going to tell her that, that isn’t an appropriate question? No! He doesn’t. He just sits there silently laughing. So I take a small drink of my soda because by then my throat is as dry as the Mojave Desert. I take a deep breath, look up and say, “Do you know what your ‘Cherry’ is?” Yes, I asked a 13 year old if she knew what her Cherry was. There was silence for about a minute, but it felt like an eternity. Finally she looks at her dad, then at me and says “yes.” I said, “Well a hymen is the medical term for your Cherry.” She looks at me and just says “Oh,” then goes back to eating. I just sit there thinking to myself, what the hell just happened? Was she messing with me or was this a serious question? Well whatever it was we have been super close ever since. She is my bonus daughter and I love her with all of my heart, even though I wanted to die of embarrassment that day. 

Three Years Later and it Still Sucks!

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I was going to tell you about the day that I lost my mom. I had it all typed up and ready to post. But I changed my mind, I mean I’m glad that I typed it up and got it all out, but do I really need to share the details of the worst day of my life? The short answer is no, I don’t need to go over what happened that day. What I do want to share is that it has been three years and it still sucks! March 2, 2018 was the day that I joined this exclusive club that nobody wants to be a part of.  Losing my mom. She was not perfect by any means, but she was my mom. We had plenty of ups and downs, but she was always there for me and I knew she loved me. She was the person I called when I had a bad day, or needed to know how to cook something. My mom was an amazing cook. I have some messages on my phone from her that I will keep forever, and on one of them she is talking about a recipe that we had been talking about. To this day I wish I could remember what recipe it was. After her passing I took it really hard. I was very depressed and stopped taking my diabetes medication. It wasn’t a good time for me. I ended up seeing a therapist and that was the best thing I could have done. The therapist told me a good way to get through my feeling was to write letters to my mom. So I have a journal that I write to my mom in whenever there is something I want to tell her. It has helped tremendously. The best thing that has helped me was that my youngest grandson Gunner was born on the one-year anniversary of her passing. Now instead of it being a super sad day for me, it is a happy day for me. Don’t get me wrong, I still am sad on that day, just now I have something to celebrate. 

My Crazy Family

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Hello, I’m Amy and let me introduce you to my crazy family. My husband’s name is Brett, technically it is Michael, but he goes by his middle name. We met back in 1998, when I was just a young lass and he a handsome man 8 years my senior. Now, Brett is the love of my life, but the first time I met him I thought he was an ass, that story is for another day. Brett already had a 13-year-old daughter Amber and 7-year-old son Michael, they are my amazing bonus kids, I can’t imagine my life without any of them. Brett and I were together for 6 years before we welcomed our son Jayden into our world, that same year (two months earlier) our beautiful granddaughter Emiley was born. Jayden and Emiley are definitely more like siblings than they are uncle and niece; in fact many people thought that they were twins when they were babies. Four years later our first grandson Gionni was born, now our family was really starting to grow. Then three years later our grandson Knight was born followed two months later by our youngest daughter Charleigh. If you thought we were done, you were wrong, seven years after Knight and Charleigh were born, our youngest grandson Gunner decided to grace us with his presence. Did I say my family was crazy or what? Well this is just our immediate family and I’m sure we are not done yet. I mean, Brett and I are done, but I’m positive that there are going to be more grandchildren and even great-grandchildren in the not too distant future. Our family is so much more than me, Brett, our kids and grandkids, we have many other family members and you will learn more about all these crazy people in future posts.